I wonder if there will ever be a time when I truly let go? I wonder if there will ever be a moment in time where my voiced faith is my actual heart felt faith and not just my mouth trying to convince my brain to obey. I am one of those "control" freaks. I love to help others. But I hate to let others know that I am not doing okay. I am working on that. Well, July 2012 has been another crazy "Hey Amy, I am not done teaching you to let me have control time."
I am like most women. I am like most mothers. I let my own health be the last thing that takes priority. Part of it is time. Part of it is laziness. And part of it I blame on my mom. Not in a bad way. (I will explain this later).
So, Let's start with the "planned" of this summer. In 2006, I discovered a cyst on my right wrist. In fall of 2007, Dusty and I decided that I would have surgery in summer of 2008. Well, we got pregnant with Brantley and there just never seemed to be a good time. This past May, I really started having some issues with the cyst, so this summer was the summer to have it removed. Knowing that "MOM" is going to be down for a few weeks is always hard. It is very difficult to plan that. There never seems to be good time. The week of July 4th seemed to be as good as any. So, July 2nd I had my surgery. Everything went great.
Until on the next day, Dusty headed to work on his scooter without his helmet. His back tire blew out and down he went. Now, here is the kicker. I am a safety girl. Notice that he was NOT wearing his helmet. This was a stipulation of getting the said scooter. So, I was VERY mad (I think there is still a little bit of me that is still angry but I am working on that). Dusty was taken from the scene in the ambulance to OU trauma. They thought he had a skull fracture. He had major abrasions down his right arm on his right hand his left foot, his right toe, a huge bruise on his butt, and two staples in his head. He had a concussion but no skull fracture. In the grand scheme of motorcycle wrecks God protected Dusty. The kids stayed with Dusty's parents for a few days. People from church provided meals for about five days even though I really did not think we needed them (we did). I wasn't thinking about having to clean up the kitchen after cooking. Neither one of us could have done that over the weekend.
Then on Sunday, the kids came home and Dusty went with the guys from work camping. Me. I should have been doing fine. My kids were home. My husband was alive and safe. I was fuming. I was so mad. I could not even see straight. And on top of that I could not sleep. Well that is okay, because this is not the end of God's lesson. While Dusty was away I found something. Something that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I found a lump on my left breast. Here I was thinking about my idiot husband who could not be "bothered" enough to think about his family and wear his helmet off repelling with his buddies while having a concussion. How could I trust that he would keep my kids safe? My husband who is slowly beginning to show his faith. My husband who I love dearly but am still so incredibly mad at. And I find a lump. Now let me tell you a little bit about my personality. I am not Chicken Little. I do not think that the Sky is falling. I think that I can survive the Sky falling I know that God will get me through it and that I have the strength and the tenacity to do it but I also plan for the fact that when the sky falls the entire world will be completely and utterly destroyed. Yes folks, I am a pessimist.
So, I prepared for the worst. I began worrying about my children. What was I going to do when I died and my children had no one to pray for them? See I knew that Dusty would get them to school. Dusty would love them. He might remember to make them do their homework. He might remember to have them put on their seatbelt (bike helmelts I was not so sure). But reading hte Bible, praying iwth them...that was where I was worried. That is what I did. He did not do those things. I knew he would take them to church. I knew he would make sure that they went to Awana. But would he read the Bible with them? Would he pray with them? Would he talk about God the way I do? Who would keep my family focuses on God when I was not there?
See what I mean...My world was falling apart! Dusty was back from his trip. I and sat quite not sharing my nightmare (he was not happy when I finally did). But God took care of me like he always does. A friend just happened to drop a book off at my house. She had no idea how much I truly needed the words inside the pages. Thank you God that she listened to your still small voice that prompted her to drop it off. Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
These are the Words I heard over the next few days...in the wee hours of the night when I could not sleep. I love how God keeps me awake till 4 am when there is no noise and I can find no other distractions but him.
"Stop worrying long enough to hear my voice."
Deuteronomy 30:20
and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life,
"Sit Quitely in my presence."
"I know the worst about you, but I also see the best in you."
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
"Worship me only. The Light of my Presence is brilliant and everlasting. "
2 Samuel 22:29
You are my lamp, O Lord;
the Lord turns my darkness into light.
"Whenever you feel distant from me, whisper my Name "Jesus" in loving trust"
John 16:24
Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
"Fix your gaze on me.
"Though the path is difficult and the scenery dull at the moment, there are sparking surpirses just around the bend."
"DO NOT WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW! This is not a suggestion, but a command. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. My grace is sufficient for you."
"Your only hope is to look up and see the Light of My Presence shinning down on you."
"Come away with me for awhile."
And so I have. I have come away with Him. I have spent a good two weeks in His word.
I have been to countless doctors. I called my OB on Monday after finding the lump. They had an appointment first thing on Wednesday morning. I went to that appointment. While there I just kind of fell apart. I told her about all my worries. I have been very short tempered with my kids. (She switched my anxiety meds that my regular doctor put me on in December.) We talked about my fear of skin cancer with a few freckles looking different then they have in years past. She put those fears to rest and gave me referrals for a dermatologist for that. We talked about my constant headaches. How long have the been happening. Well, I thought they were stress due to everything from last year and depression but they are still not going away so maybe a year. Yes, dear readers you read that right. I have been having headaches/migraines almost every day for over a year and have done nothing about it. Why? Two reasons 1- My mother has severe migraines and for years I have watched her work with headaches. I understand that my situation is different but I feel silly going to the doctor knowing that she does not. 2-Who has the time to be sick when it is just a headache and I can still work?
So, she sent me to a neurologist. I am not on meds for my headaches. Because of my family history I am to treat all headaches as migraines. In about a week I should see a difference. I am already seeing a little release. I did not have a headache today until around 3. I did not realize how incredible it is to go through a day without your head not hurting.
She also sent me to have a mammogram and ultrasound done. Dusty took off work and came with me. For the first time in my life I was glad to hear that I am "fat." It made my mammogram easy to read and it was negative. Everything is okay. There is nothing to worry about.
We had a long heart to heart talk. He was mad at me. (And he had every right to be) I am not to leave him out of something like that. He also blew me away. We talked. I mean really talked. He asked if his wreck was a good thing. I, of course, said no. He said yes. Yes, because it made someone go buy a helmet. He said that "everything that happens happens for good. We may not know what that good is but it happens for good to come of it." Without knowing it, my husband was quoting scripture.
Romans 8:28
[ More Than Conquerors ] And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
We talked about what would happened if something did happened to me. He
promised to make sure to read the Bible with the kids, to pray with the
kids, to talk about God more instead of just leaving it up to me.
So, once again, I am stepping out in faith. I feel that God is pushing. No, not pushing but shoving me out of my comfort zone. I feel like he is calling me to lead a bible study called A Mom After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George at church this fall. If you happen to think about it over the next few months, pray that God will continue to give the courage to follow his voice. That he will continue to keep me awake into the wee hours of the morning to hear his voice when all else is quiet.
Showing posts with label Amy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Amy. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Goals for my kids
We have been reading Sheparding a Child's heart. This week we read about the goals we have while raising our children. I never really thought about it in those terms before. I think up until this point my "goal" in raising my kids has been this. I want my children to know God and get through childhood with as few "scars" as possible. I guess that is not really one of the best goals. I think this will be my new goal.
2 Timothy 1:5 I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also.
That really boils down to the goals that I have for my children. I want the to KNOW God. To trust him. To have a faith that can not be swade. Do I want them to be respectful, obedient, successful, loving, kind, smart (in problem solving and logic not necessarily in 4.0 GPA)? Of course but I think that above all else, I want them to have a faith that will get them through life. I want them to know that in God is comfort. I want them to know that in God is strength. I want them to know that in God is life!
What are your goals for your kids?
2 Timothy 1:5 I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also.
That really boils down to the goals that I have for my children. I want the to KNOW God. To trust him. To have a faith that can not be swade. Do I want them to be respectful, obedient, successful, loving, kind, smart (in problem solving and logic not necessarily in 4.0 GPA)? Of course but I think that above all else, I want them to have a faith that will get them through life. I want them to know that in God is comfort. I want them to know that in God is strength. I want them to know that in God is life!
What are your goals for your kids?
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
My Short Comings
Frustrated with Brantley and the fact that I have been putting him back in bed since 8 o'clock this evening, I over stepped my "good" mommy. I started yelling. I really do hate it when this happens. I really do want to not be that screaming crazy lady that seems to come out after an hour plus of disobedience. I really am so thankful that Charlie continues to pray that God will help me to not yell. And, tonight I think I went over board. I told B that I was going to walk out of his room before I hurt him. I know that I don't want to hurt him. I know that my intentions are never to hurt my child but when I am tired and have been dealing with 3 year old defiance all evening I am just at the end of me. As I walked out of the room I told him (yes, this was not one of my better moments) that he really needed to sit and talk to God about all the things that he had done wrong today and see what God would want him to do to make amends for them. Again, I am going to say that this is NOT one of my better parenting moments. I really do pray that all of my shortcomings do not scar my children. He says, "God doesn't talk."
I stopped in the doorway.
Softly as if telling myself to, "Buddy God does talk to us. It may not be the way that mommy is talking right now but he does talk. It can be in a friends words, in a song, in a story, or in a quiet voice we hear in our heart or in our head." While I am telling him this I am hearing God telling me that he is enough, that he will answer my prayers, and that a soft answer is the best way. (Why can't I hear this before I blow up instead of just after?)
"God is talking to me right now."
I wasn't expecting this. "What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that I have to make better choices."
"What kind of choices?"
"I don't know."
"Ask God."
"He is telling me to not hit my sister. He says not to hit you."
"What else is He saying?"
You can see a look in B's eyes that show that he is really listening.
"He said I need to go to sleep. But I can't."
"Remember that God will help you if you ask."
"God is talking to me again."
"What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that He is already helping me to lay quiet." B lays down. He asks for his blanket and pillow (Which he left in his sisters room on one of his out of bed escapades.)
My prayer (after I apologized, admitted that I was wrong for yelling, and asked forgiveness from my son and God) is that God will call B to him. That B will see the "bad stuff" in his heart and ask Jesus to save him. I want him to see the Gospel for what it is.
Lord, thank you so much for the gift of grace that we (especially me) do not deserve. I pray that B accepts this gift and you.
Amen
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
I stopped in the doorway.
Softly as if telling myself to, "Buddy God does talk to us. It may not be the way that mommy is talking right now but he does talk. It can be in a friends words, in a song, in a story, or in a quiet voice we hear in our heart or in our head." While I am telling him this I am hearing God telling me that he is enough, that he will answer my prayers, and that a soft answer is the best way. (Why can't I hear this before I blow up instead of just after?)"God is talking to me right now."
I wasn't expecting this. "What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that I have to make better choices."
"What kind of choices?"
"I don't know."
"Ask God."
"He is telling me to not hit my sister. He says not to hit you."
"What else is He saying?"
You can see a look in B's eyes that show that he is really listening.
"He said I need to go to sleep. But I can't."
"Remember that God will help you if you ask."
"God is talking to me again."
"What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that He is already helping me to lay quiet." B lays down. He asks for his blanket and pillow (Which he left in his sisters room on one of his out of bed escapades.)
My prayer (after I apologized, admitted that I was wrong for yelling, and asked forgiveness from my son and God) is that God will call B to him. That B will see the "bad stuff" in his heart and ask Jesus to save him. I want him to see the Gospel for what it is.
Lord, thank you so much for the gift of grace that we (especially me) do not deserve. I pray that B accepts this gift and you. Amen
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
My cup is running over!
I love how God answers prayers. If you know me for any amount of time I will tell you about my husband. And, I will tell you about how I KNEW without a doubt that I was going to marry him. And, if you listen for any amount of time you will hear how amazing he is and how he still is not "everything" I want him to be. You will hear that he is a Christian but there has not been any discipleship in him. You might hear how he goes to church but that is about it. You might hear how I have and continue to pray for him to become the spiritual leader of my home. From this point forward I am going to change my discussion about him. I am going to say that he is becoming the spiritual leader in my home. Let me tell you about last night.
Yesterday we brought C home from school because she wasn't feeling good. I had a stomach bug last week so we thought she had just caught that. Around 9pm we realized that she had strep. D rushed to the after hours clinic to get the diagnosis and meds she needed. D put her to bed. He does this often but usually it is "Go to bed." with a kiss, hug and tuck. Tonight was different. "Alright let's pray." I know this might sound silly to someone else but it sent me to cloud nine.
I listen from the other room while I put away laundry. I held my tears in check and I prayed silently. I thanked God for his faithfulness to bring Dusty along. I thanked him that my children have the kind of man that Dusty is and is becoming as a father. I praised God for all the many little tiny blessings that he gives me each and every day in the person of my family. I thanked God that Dusty was trying to speak my love language. I thanked God that he gave me eyes to see when Dusty was truly trying to let me know he loves me. And as I prayed I put laundry away.
I had kneeled down next to my bed to put a comforter in a suitcase under the bed. Dusty walked around me. He kneeled down beside me. He smiled at me. He folded his hands. "Want to pray?"
He took my breath away! Really. You are asking me this. Do you not remember a year ago January when I had a melt down and told you that "someday" I wanted you to pray with me? Do you not remember that same conversation where I told you that I would continue to pray this and that God answered prayers? Do you remember that I told you that I would pray this until I got an answer and beyond?
I smiled. "Go for it." I said.
And he did!!
"Thank you for today. It was a beautiful day. Thank you for giving me Amy 11 years ago. Thank you for knowing that she is just what I needed. Thank you for the two amazing children she has given me. Thank you for my new job that allows me to go to church with my family. Thank you for bible study. Thank you for friends. I know Amy has been praying for them. They are exactly what we have needed. In Jesus name."
He left it open for me to pray.
"Amen"
"Are you not going to pray?" I shook my head. How could I? I was crying. I don't know that I could have prayed out loud. I don't know that I could have gotten out more than thank you lord.
"Happy tears?"
Happy tears are an understatement. What I was crying was beyond happy tears!
It has been a long couple of years. Long but in a good way! We have recently begun going to bible study together. (yes, another answered prayer.) It is not what most people think about "bible study" at the moment. It might be some day but right now we are just easing into getting to know our group and building on fellowship.
Bible study has been good for us. We have been to one session. This last week the couple that shared gave us a little "get to know you" information. We are in the get to know you part before we actually start a study. I can't wait to know a little more about each family. One of the things they shared was their "family" life verse. Roman 4:20...
Dusty and I talked at bedtime that night. Mainly about what he might be comfortable with. The conversation went something like this...
"At some point would you be okay if we did something like they did tonight?" This is me feeling D out.
"Talking about myself. Yeah we can do that. I don't know that I would be okay leading a devotion but I don't mind if you do." This is kind of a normal for us. The two times he has been able to lead something he has been amazing, but I know it is NOT his comfort zone.
But then I got to thinking. I have a verse that "I" think is our families verse. Well, let me rephrase that I have a verse that I pray for our family. But, is it something that I (we) have discussed. Well, that is different altogether. No we have not. So I asked.
"Do you think we will every agree on a verse like they do?"
We talked about the two verses that I made him help me pick out when the kids were born. I wanted them each to have a verse. He asked if I had any verses in mind. I read him the verse that I have been praying for about 6 months.
So I told him that I have been praying Colossians 1:9-12 for each of those in our family.
"We (I) have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding and I pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the LORD and may please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."
We talked a little more before falling asleep. No decisions have been made. I am learning that is okay. God's timing is perfect and until we have an agreed upon verse I will continue to pray that my family live a life worthy of the LORD growing in the knowledge of God.
Dusty doesn't read this. But, if by some weird chance he does. At least now you are forewarned that at some point in the future we will agree on a "family" verse.
Yesterday we brought C home from school because she wasn't feeling good. I had a stomach bug last week so we thought she had just caught that. Around 9pm we realized that she had strep. D rushed to the after hours clinic to get the diagnosis and meds she needed. D put her to bed. He does this often but usually it is "Go to bed." with a kiss, hug and tuck. Tonight was different. "Alright let's pray." I know this might sound silly to someone else but it sent me to cloud nine.
I listen from the other room while I put away laundry. I held my tears in check and I prayed silently. I thanked God for his faithfulness to bring Dusty along. I thanked him that my children have the kind of man that Dusty is and is becoming as a father. I praised God for all the many little tiny blessings that he gives me each and every day in the person of my family. I thanked God that Dusty was trying to speak my love language. I thanked God that he gave me eyes to see when Dusty was truly trying to let me know he loves me. And as I prayed I put laundry away.
I had kneeled down next to my bed to put a comforter in a suitcase under the bed. Dusty walked around me. He kneeled down beside me. He smiled at me. He folded his hands. "Want to pray?"
He took my breath away! Really. You are asking me this. Do you not remember a year ago January when I had a melt down and told you that "someday" I wanted you to pray with me? Do you not remember that same conversation where I told you that I would continue to pray this and that God answered prayers? Do you remember that I told you that I would pray this until I got an answer and beyond?
I smiled. "Go for it." I said.
And he did!!
"Thank you for today. It was a beautiful day. Thank you for giving me Amy 11 years ago. Thank you for knowing that she is just what I needed. Thank you for the two amazing children she has given me. Thank you for my new job that allows me to go to church with my family. Thank you for bible study. Thank you for friends. I know Amy has been praying for them. They are exactly what we have needed. In Jesus name."
He left it open for me to pray.
"Amen"
"Are you not going to pray?" I shook my head. How could I? I was crying. I don't know that I could have prayed out loud. I don't know that I could have gotten out more than thank you lord.
"Happy tears?"
Happy tears are an understatement. What I was crying was beyond happy tears!
It has been a long couple of years. Long but in a good way! We have recently begun going to bible study together. (yes, another answered prayer.) It is not what most people think about "bible study" at the moment. It might be some day but right now we are just easing into getting to know our group and building on fellowship.
Bible study has been good for us. We have been to one session. This last week the couple that shared gave us a little "get to know you" information. We are in the get to know you part before we actually start a study. I can't wait to know a little more about each family. One of the things they shared was their "family" life verse. Roman 4:20...
Dusty and I talked at bedtime that night. Mainly about what he might be comfortable with. The conversation went something like this...
"At some point would you be okay if we did something like they did tonight?" This is me feeling D out.
"Talking about myself. Yeah we can do that. I don't know that I would be okay leading a devotion but I don't mind if you do." This is kind of a normal for us. The two times he has been able to lead something he has been amazing, but I know it is NOT his comfort zone.
But then I got to thinking. I have a verse that "I" think is our families verse. Well, let me rephrase that I have a verse that I pray for our family. But, is it something that I (we) have discussed. Well, that is different altogether. No we have not. So I asked.
"Do you think we will every agree on a verse like they do?"
We talked about the two verses that I made him help me pick out when the kids were born. I wanted them each to have a verse. He asked if I had any verses in mind. I read him the verse that I have been praying for about 6 months.
So I told him that I have been praying Colossians 1:9-12 for each of those in our family.
"We (I) have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding and I pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the LORD and may please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."
We talked a little more before falling asleep. No decisions have been made. I am learning that is okay. God's timing is perfect and until we have an agreed upon verse I will continue to pray that my family live a life worthy of the LORD growing in the knowledge of God.
Dusty doesn't read this. But, if by some weird chance he does. At least now you are forewarned that at some point in the future we will agree on a "family" verse.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
My word: KISS
Ali Edwards has had a "word" or one little word as she calls it for a few years now. 2010 my word was blessing. I wanted to be a blessing to others and found that I was the one being blessed. Last year my word was purposeful or intentional. Somewhere around July I lost focus but when looking back it was those purposeful or intentional moments that got me through the year. So this year, I have chosen a word. My boss gave it to the staff this last week. She is not real sure where she heard it but I KNOW that it needs to be my word for 2012. KISS K-eep I-t S-imple S-tupid!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
A Look Back
2011 has been a very hard year. It has also been a year of answered prayers. In January Dusty and I began reading our bible together. We read John and most of Romans. I have prayed for this since I knew in July of 1999 that Dusty was "the one." In February, I began getting ready for a speaking engagement. I was going to give my testimony at a women's retreat. This was NOT something I have every thought I would do. In March, Dusty and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. In April, I spoke at the retreat. And found that God used it to show me just how faithful he has been throughout my life. In May, I was matched with two incredible women from church through a mentoring program. Dusty lost his job and Charlie was put on a "Individual Reading Plan." God was so faithful to have given me eyes to see all the ways that this was HIS plan for our lives. In June I turned 35 (ouch) and Dusty got a new job. God's faithfulness prevails. In July I became a single mom. Dusty went to Tulsa. Charlie turned 6. I had a "break-down" in front of friends. That was embarrassing! In August, I opted not to have a birthday party for my little guy who turned 3. He has not let me forget it. By September we were in the full swing of school, single parenthood, new job, a kindergartner for the second time, and a three year old who is every bit of 3. In October, we dealt with parent teacher conferences and Dusty coming home. No more single mom. No more going to church by myself. But now, what does normal look like? In November, life was still crazy and I was not coping. Charlie was a flower girl in Gwen's wedding. Gwen was our flower girl. Was she really old enough? It was a beautiful wedding. Dusty left for on last week of training. Charlie had 2 UTI's this month and B two ear infections. December came. And, all the "normal" did not exist. I did not do a single thing with/for my kids that I normally do in December. We did not leave nativity for friends to find. We did not look at the Christmas lights. We did not go to Bethlehem. We did not do our Jesse Tree. We did not do our advent calendar. We did not read a book every night. We did not read what God wants for Christmas. We did not make a gingerbread house, play dough or cookies. But, we did have a lot of cuddle time. We had a lot of family time. And, I began to get better (Thank you Dr. Grizzle). 2011 would have been a horrible year had it not been for the blessing that God gave me. God gave me a heart to see each of his blessings. He gave me an incredible husband. I love him more today that I thought ever possible. He gave me Mary, a babysitter for B and someone I now count as a friend. He gave me Laurie who took the time to come over each week and study God's word with me. He gave me Sherry who came over each week and encouraged me. He gave me Mary who just helped me keep going and is my right hand man in the classroom. He gave me a sense of belonging. He gave me friends that I now feel I live life with Duncan's, Murphy's and Hixsons. It has been a year of great trials and INCREDIBLE blessings!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Urban Dictionary --Amy
I looked up my name at urbandictionary.com It was pretty funny. American/European traditional name derived from the Latin word amâta, meaning "Beloved." 1. A name linked to Biblical numbers in many ways: 1+13+25 = 39, 3+9 = 12 By digit sum, 1+4+7 = 12 Also, AMY divides the alphabet in the following way: from A to L = 12, M to X = 12, Y to Z =1 Adding these numbers, 12+12+1 = 25, 2+5=7 In addition, (1+2)+(1+2)+1 = 7 thought that was kind of neat 2. The name that was given to the most beautiful girl in the world not something I see An amazing girl who can be seen as perfect in all ways, even though she'll never admit it. She is very beautiful, but remains in denial about her looks, even though she looks amazing even at the worst of times. That is so me. I do not call myself a "beauty" She has an amazing personality(which matches her body in Beauty) and is instantly appealing, giving great frist impression to others. She has lots of friends, I hope that is true and inspires them all with edgy and loveable spark which keeps them close for a lifetime. Not to mention it's ALWAYS interesting to talk to her with just about anything and everything! A talk with Amy can brighten anyones mood, and leave them feeling very happy Again I hope it is true. (except only when they have to stop and go to bed). She has a great love of food (especially bagels) and sense of humour and often makes up her own crazy wordsI have been known to make up crazy words , which only makes you love her more! A day with Amy is never wasted, and when you experience this you realise that nothing else can ever be as fulfilling. From the point you meet and fall in love with her you realise you want to be with her for the rest of your life, and not a single experience is ever regretted. just about the most coolest person you'll ever meet. I would not call myself the "coolest person you'll ever meet." a girl so is very mellow and laid back. A lovely girl who loves all her friends and will never cheat on anyone.Yep that's me.
someone who lives to love, loves to live, naturally a leader, and handles problems, someone who handles alot of stress, and likes to do everything herself. Ouch, a little too true. Likes to watch funny movies, tv shows,
| ||||||||||||||
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Never enough
I think I am battling depression. I seem to be crying a LOT right now. I cry a lot but lately it has been even more. Tonight was another of those "never enough" nights. I can not wait to get to heaven and be with Jesus. Because I know that once there, I will never again have that never enough feeling. I will be too focused on the Lord to worry about myself. I have decided that my depression is just that selfishness. I am just way too busy worried about myself. That being said, today was another "I'm not enough day."
-I did not get the house as clean as I wanted.
-I could not make B quit crying.
-C wanted only Daddy.
-Laundry did not get done.
-I dropped a cake pop.
- I was late--AGAIN!
-I can't find my keys. Why can't I find my keys? I don't know. Maybe when I find my keys I will remember where I put them.
-D wanted to sleep ( I know I should not be upset by this. He has not been sleeping well. He requires 8 hours of sleep. He got home super late. He is working really late. He did not sleep much the night before.)
-I put a pan in the wrong place.
-I did not put pumpkin in the french toast.
-I don't know where the space saver bags are.
-There are things in the kids craft closet that I did not know were there.
-I can't find the scissors.
- D cuddled with C and fell asleep.
-I hate the way my legs look. I can't seem to look in the mirror and like what I see.
-My kids have no problem with me going anywhere that is away from them.
-I am going to the Auction by myself.
-I had a parent ask me if I was okay b/c I just seem like I might be getting sick.
-I got put at a table by myself. (Well, not really. I was with the Spanish teacher.)
I HATE days where I feel like this. Where I feel left out. Where I feel unwanted. Where I feel as if no one would know/care if I were gone. Where I feel as if I am not enough. I HATE days where every little thing makes me defensive. I HATE days where I am on the verge of tears. I HATE days where I just don't feel as if I am enough.
I am forcing myself to repeat after each offense that God is enough. His quite voice whispers I am enough after each one. Especially the last one. I feel as if no one would care if I were gone. "I, sweet beloved child, am ENOUGH!!! "
-I did not get the house as clean as I wanted.
-I could not make B quit crying.
-C wanted only Daddy.
-Laundry did not get done.
-I dropped a cake pop.
- I was late--AGAIN!
-I can't find my keys. Why can't I find my keys? I don't know. Maybe when I find my keys I will remember where I put them.
-D wanted to sleep ( I know I should not be upset by this. He has not been sleeping well. He requires 8 hours of sleep. He got home super late. He is working really late. He did not sleep much the night before.)
-I put a pan in the wrong place.
-I did not put pumpkin in the french toast.
-I don't know where the space saver bags are.
-There are things in the kids craft closet that I did not know were there.
-I can't find the scissors.
- D cuddled with C and fell asleep.
-I hate the way my legs look. I can't seem to look in the mirror and like what I see.
-My kids have no problem with me going anywhere that is away from them.
-I am going to the Auction by myself.
-I had a parent ask me if I was okay b/c I just seem like I might be getting sick.
-I got put at a table by myself. (Well, not really. I was with the Spanish teacher.)
I HATE days where I feel like this. Where I feel left out. Where I feel unwanted. Where I feel as if no one would know/care if I were gone. Where I feel as if I am not enough. I HATE days where every little thing makes me defensive. I HATE days where I am on the verge of tears. I HATE days where I just don't feel as if I am enough.
I am forcing myself to repeat after each offense that God is enough. His quite voice whispers I am enough after each one. Especially the last one. I feel as if no one would care if I were gone. "I, sweet beloved child, am ENOUGH!!! "
Friday, November 11, 2011
God's timing
Several years ago a family in my school was presented with some life changing news. A mother of one of my students was told that her mother had died. This mother was very active in their lives. When this family got this news, their friends just swept in and took complete control of things. Everyone was taken care of. I was devastated by this. I know it is a really silly thing to be upset about. I thought about who I would call if something horrible happened. I didn't really have anyone that I felt close enough to to "bother" them with my burdens. I was upset by this. The first person I call in an emergency should not be my boss.
So I began to pray for a family to live life with. I have prayed long and hard about this.
Tonight, the kids and I were at a birthday party. It did not feel like a birthday party. It felt like home. I was VERY glad that it was dark because several times I was over taken with thanksgiving, joy, happiness, and just PLAIN sap.
I am one of those people that often wonders what others think. I still have a daily battle of wills. I have the voice that tells me I am not good enough. That no one would even be interested in living life with me. And then I have the voice that tells me there is something special about me.
So tonight as I listened to the kids playing and the conversation of the adults, I realized that I was with a group of people who called my daughter eccentric and truly believe that she would not be anything else. A group of people who see my son full of energy , a Saint Bernard that doesn't realize that he has knocked you down but is licking your face with excitement instead. A group of people that enjoy me for me. I am so completely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude with the answered prayers. I have found the families that I want to live life with. And, I feel that they are willing to live life with us.
As I sit typing this I am crying. I just can't express how Amazing I see my God to be. He knew before I knew that things had to happen.
I am so incredibly thankful for God's amazing gift of friends!
So I began to pray for a family to live life with. I have prayed long and hard about this.
Tonight, the kids and I were at a birthday party. It did not feel like a birthday party. It felt like home. I was VERY glad that it was dark because several times I was over taken with thanksgiving, joy, happiness, and just PLAIN sap.
I am one of those people that often wonders what others think. I still have a daily battle of wills. I have the voice that tells me I am not good enough. That no one would even be interested in living life with me. And then I have the voice that tells me there is something special about me.
So tonight as I listened to the kids playing and the conversation of the adults, I realized that I was with a group of people who called my daughter eccentric and truly believe that she would not be anything else. A group of people who see my son full of energy , a Saint Bernard that doesn't realize that he has knocked you down but is licking your face with excitement instead. A group of people that enjoy me for me. I am so completely overwhelmed with joy and gratitude with the answered prayers. I have found the families that I want to live life with. And, I feel that they are willing to live life with us.
As I sit typing this I am crying. I just can't express how Amazing I see my God to be. He knew before I knew that things had to happen.
I am so incredibly thankful for God's amazing gift of friends!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Generosity
In church this morning Pastor Carlon talked about grace giving. I have really been thinking tonight about all the times that I have seen true generosity. The definition of generosity according to a very dear friend is that gift that you truly can not repay. So, here is the list that has come to mind right now.
* Thank you God, for the family that took a group of college girls out to lunch every week. I have always wanted to be that couple later in life that just loves on those kids without families close by. * Thank you God for my college room mate and her family that just welcomed me as part of their family.
* Thank you God, for my college friends family that allowed me to live with them in their home for 9 months. They have no idea how much that meant.
* Thank you to the man with the family of five that stopped to change my tire for me when I was in college. It was dark and rainy.
* Thank you God for the neighbor three houses down that mowed our yard when I was pregnant with Charlie.
* Thank you God for the dear friend that got together with me once a week while I went through postpartum depression. God has blessed me through her.
* Thank you God for a place of work that allows my children to be dropped off each day so I don't have to pay day care.
* Thank you for the sweet friend that placed $100 gift card in my mailbox when Dusty was between jobs.
* Thank you to the friend that babysat my friends for me this summer so I could go to an interview when I could not find anyone else.
* Thank you to the friend that made dinner on the one night that I had no idea when I would eat.
* Thank you to the friend that took time out of her day just to say hi and see how I was doing.
Some of these things are BIG. Some of these things cost money. And some...gave time.
I pray that I am obedient enough to hear the voice that says do this for her/him. I pray that God helps me have a generous heart to be a grace giver.
* Thank you God, for the family that took a group of college girls out to lunch every week. I have always wanted to be that couple later in life that just loves on those kids without families close by. * Thank you God for my college room mate and her family that just welcomed me as part of their family.
* Thank you God, for my college friends family that allowed me to live with them in their home for 9 months. They have no idea how much that meant.
* Thank you to the man with the family of five that stopped to change my tire for me when I was in college. It was dark and rainy.
* Thank you God for the neighbor three houses down that mowed our yard when I was pregnant with Charlie.
* Thank you God for the dear friend that got together with me once a week while I went through postpartum depression. God has blessed me through her.
* Thank you God for a place of work that allows my children to be dropped off each day so I don't have to pay day care.
* Thank you for the sweet friend that placed $100 gift card in my mailbox when Dusty was between jobs.
* Thank you to the friend that babysat my friends for me this summer so I could go to an interview when I could not find anyone else.
* Thank you to the friend that made dinner on the one night that I had no idea when I would eat.
* Thank you to the friend that took time out of her day just to say hi and see how I was doing.
Some of these things are BIG. Some of these things cost money. And some...gave time.
I pray that I am obedient enough to hear the voice that says do this for her/him. I pray that God helps me have a generous heart to be a grace giver.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
From the heart
stephanie howell has a challenge on her blog. I have found that I tend to do this on a pretty daily basis. It floors me when people comment b/c I am not expecting it. I put this "out there" for me, nothing more.
1. I am so tired of this being apart from Dusty. I am so very thankful for the job that he has that he is home. I can't understand how solider wives do it. (And to think at one point I thought I was destine to the military life, it is what I knew.) I want him home so bad. And why? To sleep next to him. For pillow talk. It is what I miss most, just talking to him. Just telling him all about my day.
2. B is going to make some lady so stinking happy. Every night in order to "stay" up later he says, "Let's talk about our day." He then proceeds to tell me all about his day. What he did. What he ate. Who he played with. Where he went. Then I kiss him good night and he says "You not leave. You not tell me about your day." He is very put out if I do not have "lots" of details.
3. I can't wait for the middle of October when I am going to "run" away for two days. And where am I running to. I don't know. Who am I running with? Some very incredible women that God has placed in my life to help me through this difficult time. These women inspire me. They lift me up. They encourage me. Life should be filled with women like this for everyone.
4. I still have days when I don't feel like I am enough. Lots of days. I am not enough for me. For Charlie. For Brantley. For Dusty. For the kids in my class. I am just not enough. Why does this have to be a battle for me? Why can't I just remember at all time that I am God's and he thinks I am worth the sacrifice? Why can't I just look at the good in me and see it? Why do I always compare myself to others?
5. I want to pray better. (Again, I am comparing myself.) I want to feel like my prayers are beautiful and pleasing to God. So much I feel that they are just out of desperation. "Help Me" seems to be a normal one now. I want to be able to pray like David. I want to sing songs of praise that makes God say "this is a woman after my own heart."
6. All I can think about is my scrapbook room. I scrap booked, I mean really scrap booked last weekend. And all I can seem to do is jot down ideas: sketches, colors, titles, sayings. I am so afraid that when I finally do get back out there that I will no longer have the desire.
7. I love fall foods! We had pumpkin french toast and acorn squash. Now, I just want a big batch of potato soup or bowl of Chili. I LOVE fall!
8. And really, this one trumps them ALL! As I was making dinner tonight I watched as my 6 year old traipsed outside with her Bible, a notebook, and pen. She sat in my deck chair. Her three year old brother came out and kept pestering her. "Mom! I'm trying to talk to God and my brother won't leave me alone!" In steps "the Mommy." "B, I said. Why are you bothering your sister?" "I want to be with her. I love her so much." "Well B sissy is talking to God right now. If you want to be with her why don't you go get your Bible and talk to God with her." He screeches with a huge smile, "That's a good idea." Ten minutes later (we had to find a notebook and pencil for him as well.). Both of my kids are sitting on the back porch talking to God.
So, I did what any good "scrapbooking" mom does and captured this heart moment on film!
From every angle possible!
I love this one. It I have a thing for feet and hands. How great is that to see feet, hands, and God's word! It just takes my breath away.
This one is the one that captures what I LOVE best. The "picture" out my back window. This would be an image that I would want an illustrated to paint (changing the backdrop to look a little less cluttered and messy of course!).
So, will you take Stephanie's challenge and blog your heart?
1. I am so tired of this being apart from Dusty. I am so very thankful for the job that he has that he is home. I can't understand how solider wives do it. (And to think at one point I thought I was destine to the military life, it is what I knew.) I want him home so bad. And why? To sleep next to him. For pillow talk. It is what I miss most, just talking to him. Just telling him all about my day.
2. B is going to make some lady so stinking happy. Every night in order to "stay" up later he says, "Let's talk about our day." He then proceeds to tell me all about his day. What he did. What he ate. Who he played with. Where he went. Then I kiss him good night and he says "You not leave. You not tell me about your day." He is very put out if I do not have "lots" of details.
3. I can't wait for the middle of October when I am going to "run" away for two days. And where am I running to. I don't know. Who am I running with? Some very incredible women that God has placed in my life to help me through this difficult time. These women inspire me. They lift me up. They encourage me. Life should be filled with women like this for everyone.
4. I still have days when I don't feel like I am enough. Lots of days. I am not enough for me. For Charlie. For Brantley. For Dusty. For the kids in my class. I am just not enough. Why does this have to be a battle for me? Why can't I just remember at all time that I am God's and he thinks I am worth the sacrifice? Why can't I just look at the good in me and see it? Why do I always compare myself to others?
5. I want to pray better. (Again, I am comparing myself.) I want to feel like my prayers are beautiful and pleasing to God. So much I feel that they are just out of desperation. "Help Me" seems to be a normal one now. I want to be able to pray like David. I want to sing songs of praise that makes God say "this is a woman after my own heart."
6. All I can think about is my scrapbook room. I scrap booked, I mean really scrap booked last weekend. And all I can seem to do is jot down ideas: sketches, colors, titles, sayings. I am so afraid that when I finally do get back out there that I will no longer have the desire.
7. I love fall foods! We had pumpkin french toast and acorn squash. Now, I just want a big batch of potato soup or bowl of Chili. I LOVE fall!
From every angle possible!
So, will you take Stephanie's challenge and blog your heart?
Monday, September 26, 2011
My life in song
A very dear friend of mine posted about the music in her life. I was inspired. My list is SO different.
4th grade-Madonna I loved everything Madonna.
6th grade - I'll be there for you by Bon Jovi
7th grade: Friends by Michael W. Smith
2001: Sometime in the summer after Dusty and I got married, we were talking to some friends who were in the process of planning their wedding. Dusty said that there was only one thing he would change about our wedding. I was interested. What would that one thing be? He said that instead of the traditional wedding march, he would have me walk out to this song.
She's more by Andy Griggs
4th grade-Madonna I loved everything Madonna.
6th grade - I'll be there for you by Bon Jovi
7th grade: Friends by Michael W. Smith
8th grade: When I see you smile by Bad English
Oh, this was the year of true crushes.
9th grade: There are two songs that make me think of this year.
This was the first year I sang a solo in church.
Because he lives
She's in love with the boy by Trisha Yearwood
10th grade:
I use to love this song but after this year it means so much more to me. 10th grade was a really tough year. It was the year that I began to learn that beauty is not up to the "world" but up to God. It was the year I began a lesson that would take me many, many years to learn. I am beautiful to God. No one else matters.
11th grade: Stay by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
12th grade: I loved Aerosmith. I mean loved them. But, living in the boondocks we did not have cable. Which meant I had not seen a music video at all. I loved Aerosmith for two reasons. I loved the music and my mom liked them when she was in high school. I always thought that was really neat.
OBU College:
Jars of Clay (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE them!) Love song for a savior. Looking back, I see this as a song about me. I do feel that the last few years have been spent with me falling down and crying out that I want to fall in love with my savior over and over again.
late college:
Bare naked ladies "One week"
1999: Skip Ewing "Rebecca Lynn" I met Skip Ewing at the Ramada Plaza Hotel. She was part of the Reba McIntire rodeo entertainment one year. I was working front desk night audit. He sat in the lobby and played for a couple hours after he got back from the Lazy E. It was my own private concert.
She's more by Andy Griggs
2005: And, this is the song that I hope describes me. I really want to be this kind of a person. Super chick We live
2008: I am showing how I bounce around on the styles of music I listen to. This is Charlie's favorite song, but it became my favorite at the time when she would sing it to B and he would coo and fall asleep.
2011: This year is another year marked by several songs.
Blessing by Laura Story
You are More by Tenth Avenue North
and
Johnny Diaz "More Beautiful You"
I think this is a "theme" throughout my life. I am so very thankful that God continues to let me know that regardless of what others think or what I see he thinks I am Beautiful!
What about you? What is your life in song?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Conversations that take my breath away
I love it when I have a conversation with one of my kids that just takes my breath away. Coming home from school was like that today.
"Mom, do you know how to cross your heart and lock it with a key?"
"Why do you want to lock your heart?"
"Oh, I just have something that I don't ever want to get out of my heart."
"What's that?"
"I want to be a godly lady. I don't want that to ever get out of my heart."
(Gasp once, I want this for her as well. I am SO amazed that she has this thought at 6. I did not have these kind of thoughts until my late 20's)
"That's a good reason to want to lock your heart. Do you know any Godly ladies?"
"YES!!! Mary."
Right now in our lives we have several Mary's.
"Which Mary?"
"That's silly Mom! Jesus's mom."
"Yes, she was a godly woman. Do you know any that are alive right now?"
"You."
(Gasp twice. This is my prayer for myself. I am so very thankful that my daughter considers me a Godly woman. Especially lately. It seems that with Dusty gone I seem to lose my temper a lot more and a lot faster. What a blessing to me that even with all my mistakes and faults my 6 year old thinks of me as a godly woman.)
"Mom, do you know how to cross your heart and lock it with a key?"
"Why do you want to lock your heart?"
"Oh, I just have something that I don't ever want to get out of my heart."
"What's that?"
"I want to be a godly lady. I don't want that to ever get out of my heart."
(Gasp once, I want this for her as well. I am SO amazed that she has this thought at 6. I did not have these kind of thoughts until my late 20's)
"That's a good reason to want to lock your heart. Do you know any Godly ladies?"
"YES!!! Mary."
Right now in our lives we have several Mary's.
"Which Mary?"
"That's silly Mom! Jesus's mom."
"Yes, she was a godly woman. Do you know any that are alive right now?"
"You."
(Gasp twice. This is my prayer for myself. I am so very thankful that my daughter considers me a Godly woman. Especially lately. It seems that with Dusty gone I seem to lose my temper a lot more and a lot faster. What a blessing to me that even with all my mistakes and faults my 6 year old thinks of me as a godly woman.)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Cake pops
I am a dork. I love these silly things. I have made them 3 times now. The last were the easiest. So, I know that the next time will be even easier. I think I might just have to donate some to the Auction. My first try was by hand. Dusty helped. They turned out so super cute. And then they all fell off. They were WAY too big. The second time I made them, I forgot to take a picture. I made them smaller using a mini cookie cuter. They stayed on the stick this time. They still did not turn out exactly the way I wanted. I tried to use a shaped cutter. Then when I tried to cover them, they just did not turn out right. 
This last time, I made them all by myself. I did not use the stick though b/c I was worried about how to transport them. They turned out so cute. Charlie wanted ones that looked like suns. I tried, but I did not like the way they turned out. The next morning when I showed these to Charlie she was SO excited b/c they looked like ice cream tops. I think I will try these again but put them on a mini ice cream cone. My picture was an after thought so it is not the best picture in the world. I would really like to have the actual cook book to see if she gives any "tips" that I can't get just looking at the web.
I'm dreaming of a day when I can scrapbook again...
wombat from Christian Paper Crafts gallery This great card from Lorettagrace from Christian Paper Crafters gallery
I really want to finish my ABC verse album that I started in January. 
I really want to finish this album too. My time on the Faith Sister's design team was just incredible! I just wish I had more time to scrap. I have so much more I want to add to that book. I need to just schedule a babysitter to come over so that I can work for hours on end and not worry about the kids. Sunny's layout is just STUNNING!!!! It takes my breath away. Here is a favorite of mine from a Davine at Studio Calico that I "stalk". I just LOVE her work.
And two from a dear friend that I met at a scrapbook store in the city four, maybe five years ago. I love Penny's work.
And the last thing I want to make on my dream scrapbook day... My friend Jonnelle (which I have never met in person but LOVE her). Has the neatest wreath. I just have to make one. And then, join a swap so that I can decorate it. How great would that be to have new tags for every season!!! Your "seasonal" decorations would fit in a shoe box.
I think that is all I would like to accomplish. Okay, may I would like to just do a simple layout of things going on in each of the kids lives right now. Maybe even a layout or two about Dusty.
Oh, to be scrapbooking again!
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
When the enemy strikes, God provides strength
I have seen this time and time again this last year.
I have really struggled over this last year with several things at church. I have stepped out in ways that are not usually me. This last struggle left me feeling that I might be looking for a new church. And yet, I could hear voices
"Don't do anything big and rash and extreme." from the Grief counselor.
"It sounds like "The Enemy" is really trying hard to get you out of someplace you really need to be." Cyndi speaking of a struggle earlier this year.
"I am not one to just walk away." from myself.
"I would HATE to see you leave." from Sheri.
"The devil tells us lies hoping we will believe them and not the truths that God says about us." from Amy.
"I want to talk with you more concerning... I have not seen your part as one of complainer." from Steve
"God will let you know what you need to do." from Dusty
"I wanted to extend an invitation to you..." from Kaye
These tid bits of conversation over the last little bit have just been such strength, such a strength of comfort. Nothing is resolved. And yet, I am comforted that God will provide the answers I seek.
And then he also provides relief. Today was one of those days where I just felt rushed. It was our curriculum night. I had 24 sets of parents waiting at my door this evening to hear about "their" classroom and what my expectations where. I had lost my binder. I couldn't find my information. I was stressing about getting packets put together. I was stressing about everything.
I can leave SJN at 3:45 go get B. Back to SJN to pick up C from Girl Scouts. Head to Ben's work (my father-in-law) drop kids off. Squeeze in dinner (have not idea where the time is going to come for this). Back to school. Finish stuffing packets. Give four 20 minute speeches to parents. Try to cram a year of information into 20 minutes without completely overwhelming the "newbies" since I teach "AP" pre-k.
Pick up kids by 9. Go to the store pick up medicine since B finished his allergy meds off this morning. Get the kids in bed at a decent hour. Then to work on the house: laundry, dishes, lunches, last of lesson plans for tomorrow, and bible study.
Yes, that kind of a day.
And God blessed me! I get to Mary's (I just LOVE this answered prayer) to pick up B. She said "I made you dinner. I just felt like it was something I needed to do." WHAT!!! I can not believe how much that simple thing touched my heart. Not only is she AMAZING with B. Not only does he LOVE her so much that he practically runs right into her house not even giving me a second glance but now, she makes me dinner. And, of all days on one of the most stressful busiest days of my year. I just looked at her. "I just can not believe that you would do this on the day I needed it most." I told her.
"God told me too."
I am so thankful that God has brought this amazing Godly woman into my life. I pray that I too can be the kind of woman that is obedient to that voice that tells you to do something. I want to be that kind of woman. I want to be the kind of woman that just makes everything better for someone. Even if it is something as small as a bowl full of delicious pasta. And now everyone who knows me can just stop laughing because yes I can cook pasta but I am much better and washing towels.
So, my prayer to you (my reader).
Is this: Sometime, in the time I will know you, let me be obedient to the voice of God when he tells me to step out in whatever way I need to to be a blessing to you. Even if that blessing is just one small moment.
I have really struggled over this last year with several things at church. I have stepped out in ways that are not usually me. This last struggle left me feeling that I might be looking for a new church. And yet, I could hear voices
"Don't do anything big and rash and extreme." from the Grief counselor.
"It sounds like "The Enemy" is really trying hard to get you out of someplace you really need to be." Cyndi speaking of a struggle earlier this year.
"I am not one to just walk away." from myself.
"I would HATE to see you leave." from Sheri.
"The devil tells us lies hoping we will believe them and not the truths that God says about us." from Amy.
"I want to talk with you more concerning... I have not seen your part as one of complainer." from Steve
"God will let you know what you need to do." from Dusty
"I wanted to extend an invitation to you..." from Kaye
These tid bits of conversation over the last little bit have just been such strength, such a strength of comfort. Nothing is resolved. And yet, I am comforted that God will provide the answers I seek.
And then he also provides relief. Today was one of those days where I just felt rushed. It was our curriculum night. I had 24 sets of parents waiting at my door this evening to hear about "their" classroom and what my expectations where. I had lost my binder. I couldn't find my information. I was stressing about getting packets put together. I was stressing about everything.
I can leave SJN at 3:45 go get B. Back to SJN to pick up C from Girl Scouts. Head to Ben's work (my father-in-law) drop kids off. Squeeze in dinner (have not idea where the time is going to come for this). Back to school. Finish stuffing packets. Give four 20 minute speeches to parents. Try to cram a year of information into 20 minutes without completely overwhelming the "newbies" since I teach "AP" pre-k.
Pick up kids by 9. Go to the store pick up medicine since B finished his allergy meds off this morning. Get the kids in bed at a decent hour. Then to work on the house: laundry, dishes, lunches, last of lesson plans for tomorrow, and bible study.
Yes, that kind of a day.
And God blessed me! I get to Mary's (I just LOVE this answered prayer) to pick up B. She said "I made you dinner. I just felt like it was something I needed to do." WHAT!!! I can not believe how much that simple thing touched my heart. Not only is she AMAZING with B. Not only does he LOVE her so much that he practically runs right into her house not even giving me a second glance but now, she makes me dinner. And, of all days on one of the most stressful busiest days of my year. I just looked at her. "I just can not believe that you would do this on the day I needed it most." I told her.
"God told me too."
I am so thankful that God has brought this amazing Godly woman into my life. I pray that I too can be the kind of woman that is obedient to that voice that tells you to do something. I want to be that kind of woman. I want to be the kind of woman that just makes everything better for someone. Even if it is something as small as a bowl full of delicious pasta. And now everyone who knows me can just stop laughing because yes I can cook pasta but I am much better and washing towels.
So, my prayer to you (my reader).
Is this: Sometime, in the time I will know you, let me be obedient to the voice of God when he tells me to step out in whatever way I need to to be a blessing to you. Even if that blessing is just one small moment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)