1-Go to Washington DC 2-Publish a children's book 3- visit philadelphia Pa 4- tour europe w/ friends 5- go back to japan
6-have a girls weekend w/ mom & sisters 7-find a group of girls to have a girls night/weekend w/ 8-take a cooking class 9-take a photography class 10-go to naeyc conference 11-read the bible cover to cover 12-start a scripture card club 13- take a dance class w/ dusty 14-take a tap class 15-learn to play piano or guitar 16-have a surprise party thrown for me 17- take a trip to vist civil war battle fields 18-go to boston
19-lose
down to at least 180 lbs 20- go to Epocot Center, Disney World, Leggo Land, and Harry Potter 21-Go on a float trip 22-visit every oklahoma state park w/ the kids but after looking at other peoples I may need to add a few. :)
The next layout was our testimony. Mine is long. "I have always thought that a testimony was more than the moment when I accepted Christ. My testimony starts before I was born: God’s hand has always been in my life. I was born to an unwed teenage mother. Her parents were strong Christian people. My dad (at the time of my birth) was an alcoholic. He says he was on the downward swoop of getting into the bottom of a bottle. I was blessed enough to have an amazing mom. She is one of the bravest and strongest women I have ever met. When I was 4 months old she left me with my grandparents because she did not feel that I was safe wi
th her. She went to Oklahoma for a while trying to make a better life for us with the intentions of coming back for me. She did somewhere b/w 3 and 4 (I think). When I was four we moved with my Uncle Bobby to Little Rock. My mom met John. They had my sister and were pregnant with my brother when they got married. John adopted me. I remember telling the Judge when I was six that this was my daddy and he loved me. J
ohn was very convincing. In the middle of 2nd grade we moved with John to Japan. He was in the Air Force. While in Japan John showed his true colors. He was an alcoholic and a drug addict (marijuana). He became to me very emotionally abusive. He always compared me to my sister. Everything anyone did was my fault (and yes, I had a few of those myself. I was not perfect). I spent most of my time grounded. I was grounded to the yard. I could watch everyone play but not join in. I was grounded to the house. I could not go outside. I was grounded to my room. Isolated. I was grounded to my bed. This was the one that I HATED. I had to sit on my bed perfectly still for hours! I could only get up to go to the bathroom once an hour. I could only leave my roo
m to go the bathroom or eat and then it was right back there. I couldn’t lay down. He repeatedly told me that my sister and brother were better. Nothing I did was ever good enough. My mother was great. She did her very best in the situation and got us out of it as soon as she could safely. At nine, the abuse was the worst. It wasn't’ physical No broken bones, no bruises. One of the Baptist churches on base had a bus ministry and I was attended their Awana’s program. I was saved January 19, 1987 in the middle of a basketball court just after game time. So there is my testimony right? Not in the least. God had a plan. When we returned to the states I was a different person. This person was shy. This person never felt like she fit in. This person began her struggle with depression and loneliness. At 11 my parents decided to get divorced. This was a tough time b/c I had to go to John’s for visitation. During this time he and a distant cousin had me convinced that my mother “abandoned me” when I was a baby. John gave me just enough of the truth that I had no idea who to believe. Do I believe John who use to spank me when he thought I lied or do I believe my mother who says “You have to make your own decision. I can’t tell you what to believe?” It was very difficult. It was not until I began working on the album before I learned more of the truth concerning this “abandonment” (And, no she did not). God has a plan.
“ 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," de
clares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."” Jeremiah 29:11-14
And so, his plan continued. When I was 12, a distant cousin of my mothers (Joan) was in the hospital in Springfield, Mo. My aunt Brenda (Uncle Stan’s wife--Stan is Doug’s brother) was a nurse and noticed that she was from Harrison, Ar and that her last name was the same as my mom’s (when she was with my dad). Brenda asked if she knew Cathy (my mom). Through this, I met Brenda and Stan and was shown a few pictures from times before I remember that I knew some of my Dad’s family. When I was 13 the school hosted a father daughter dance. Papa said he would go with me but I just wanted to go with my dad. I wrote a letter to Brenda basically asking how someone could have a daughter somewhere out there and not even care. She in time gave it to my dad. After some time he contacted my mom. (This is another story)...Now, I have two dad’s. What do I do. During this time in my life I tried out for Cheerleading lost, won, lost again. I began a spiral of depression that was deep. By 15, I was at a crossroads. I felt that I just couldn’t handle life. I sat in my bedroom with three things in front of me...mom’s migraine pills, grandpa’s hand gun and a telephone. I remember telling my mother over and over that she was crazy for keeping me. I had ruined her life. I remember crying out to God. I just can’t handle the loneliness. I can’t handle feeling alone and unwanted. I couldn’t handle the teasing at school. I just wanted it to end. “Call your Aunt Sharon.” I can’t call my Aunt Sharon, it’s 3 am, I am not allowed to call long distance. I don’t want to wake her... “Call her.” So I called. She told me that she would take care of everything and that I was to go to bed and she would call me in the morning. I went to bed. She called in the morning. She told me to go to school and we would talk in the afternoon. I went to school. My mom came sometime that morning a
nd checked me out for the day. Sherry had saved my life. She called mom. Mom got me into a Christian counselor and I made it through high school. Through the years I have battled depression. There have been some good years and some dark years. And yet the same is true. God is forever faithful. HE has always been there. Through everything. I have never been at t
hat point again. To this day, I know he is with me.
In college, I was given a poem that makes me understand the loneliness a little better.
“I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... Only because I need for her to learn and depend on Me. I know her heart. I know that if I had not made her like this, She would go her own chosen way And forget Me...her Creator.
Every step in my life I have felt God with me. I have felt his provision. I have felt his protection. I have heard his voice. Sometime that voice was in words. Sometimes his voice was in events. Sometimes his voice was through the wisdom of others. Sometimes his voice was through his word but ALL the time I have felt him with me. Even when I was in the depths of depression I knew without a doubt that he was right there with me. I knew that his plan was so much greater than mine could ever be. Even now, I feel that God has something Great that he is doing through me. I have no idea what it is, or if I will ever know but he has a plan for me. He has always had a plan for me. "
What do you do on a Saturday when the little one is sick? You find mommy's post it flags and use them for whiskers. That is what you do. No, maybe you....
