My Short Comings

Frustrated with Brantley and the fact that I have been putting him back in bed since 8 o'clock this evening, I over stepped my "good" mommy.  I started yelling.  I really do hate it when this happens.  I really do want to not be that screaming crazy lady that seems to come out after an hour plus of disobedience. I really am so thankful that Charlie continues to pray that God will help me to not yell.  And, tonight I think I went over board.  I told B that I was going to walk out of his room before I hurt him.  I know that I don't want to hurt him.  I know that my intentions are never to hurt my child but when I am tired and have been dealing with 3 year old defiance all evening I am just at the end of me.  As I walked out of the room I told him (yes, this was not one of my better moments) that he really needed to sit and talk to God about all the things that he had done wrong today and see what God would want him to do to make amends for them.  Again, I am going to say that this is NOT one of my better parenting moments. I really do pray that all of my shortcomings do not scar my children.  He says, "God doesn't talk." 
I stopped in the doorway.
Softly as if telling myself to, "Buddy God does talk to us.  It may not be the way that mommy is talking right now but he does talk.  It can be in a friends words, in a song, in a story, or in a quiet voice we hear in our heart or in our head."  While I am telling him this I am hearing God telling me that he is enough, that he will answer my prayers, and that a soft answer is the best way.  (Why can't I hear this before I blow up instead of just after?)
"God is talking to me right now."
I wasn't expecting this. "What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that I have to make better choices."
"What kind of choices?"
"I don't know."
"Ask God."
"He is telling me to not hit my sister.  He says not to hit you."
"What else is He saying?"
You can see a look in B's eyes that show that he is really listening.
"He said I need to go to sleep.  But I can't."
"Remember that God will help you if you ask."
"God is talking to me again."
"What is He saying?"
"He is telling me that He is already helping me to lay quiet." B lays down.  He asks for his blanket and pillow (Which he left in his sisters room on one of his out of bed escapades.)
My prayer (after I apologized, admitted that I was wrong for yelling, and asked forgiveness from my son and God) is that God will call B to him.  That B will see the "bad stuff" in his heart and ask Jesus to save him.  I want him to see the Gospel for what it is. 

Lord,  thank you so much for the gift of grace that we (especially me) do not deserve.  I pray that B accepts this gift and you. 
Amen
Ephesians 2:8-9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.