Fighting the dragon

 Two years ago when Charlie turned four she wanted a princess,  knight, and dragon party.  So, to decorate I bought two white sheets.  On one, I painted a castle.  On the other a dragon.  This dragon has hung in our hallway for two years now.  C has slowly played with him less and less.  B on the other hand now LOVES to fight the dragon.  Yesterday, he placed a doll at the dragon's feet and said, "Momma, I gonna saved the princess from the dragon."

 He put on his knight costume.  He grabbed his sword and his horse.  I had to laugh when he told me that he needed his fireman hat to protect him from the dragon's fire.  And set off on a quest to save the princess from the scary dragon.

 He had a great time.  About 10 minutes into fighting the dragon he noticed for the first time the fire extinguisher hanging  on the wall.  (I am a bit of a safety girl.  I have one in the hall and one in the kitchen.)

 "Momma.  What is that red fing?"
"That is a fire extinguisher."
"Why that for?"
"That is to put out a fire."
"You have it by the dragon in case his fire not pretend?"
What a great mind he has!  I never even put two and two together.  I just laughed.  When Charlie got home he had to show her how the fire extinguisher is "to make the dragon not have fire.  But it is not for play with."

After the party when Charlie wanted to play with the dragon I would use push pins to hang it in the hall way.  They kept coming out when she would hit the dragon.  My incredible husband thought of this.  They are hung up on clamps and coffee cup hooks.  When it is not in use we just take down one side of the dragon.  I take the dragon to school when we are doing our fairy tale unit and for St. George and the dragon's feast day.

Manna

This week has been a very difficult week.  I know it is going to be silly to most.  My difficult is that I am painting my daughter's bedroom.  This should be a blessing.  Dusty was out of work for 6 weeks and yet we still had the money to pay bills and  repaint C's room.  I thought that I was having difficulty because I am not a very good "big" painter.  I am MUCH better an the little details than the big picture.  I always leave steaks and never seem to get very good coverage.

But, as I put the first stroke of primer over the previous walls I began to sob.  Not the silent cry where tears run down my cheek.  No, racking sobs where I couldn't wipe away the tears.  I  kept telling myself that I was being ridiculous.  I know that Charlie is getting older and I need to just knock it off.  But, then this little voice inside me said, "This has NOTHING to do with Charlie."  And the voice was right.  Really what I was sobbing over was not the cute little rock or that my "baby" was not a baby any more.  No, what I was sobbing about was the relationships lost.  It made sense to me at 1 am.  And, the next day, it makes even more sense.

I have been thinking a lot lately about God's provision.  I am reading in Exodus.  And  each day the Israelites are presented with Manna.  These last few months have been this way for me.  (Okay, who I am kidding?  If I were truthful it has been this way my whole life I was just not "aware" of it.)
My Manna is not a physical food miraculously supplied in the wilderness.  My manna instead comes in the form of different things.

On Monday, my manna was a very dear friend talking with me and doing a bible study with me.  A study that is challenging me to believe that God is who he says he is and that I am who he says I am.   

On Tuesday, my manna was a different friend calling to "chat" and during this conversation she let me know that my "ridiculous" feelings this week was grief.  Grief for loss of things that did not turn out the way I had them planned in my mind (I'll get back to this.)

On Wednesday, my manna was in a third friend letting me know that she likes me enough to spend an evening with just me.

On Thursday, my manna came in praying with a fourth friend and in the form of two amazing women's heart.  Loretta and Valery host a bible study on Thursday evening.  They are following God's call for their lives in opening their home and hearts to what God has on theirs and sharing with others.   I went to study wiped out.  I have cried a LOT this week.  And I have chastised myself b/c I am being silly.  At study this week we did not have anything to prepare ahead of time.  Instead, we were going to meditate on God's word.  One verse in God's word.   We mediated on Titus 3:5 "He saved us, not because of righteous things we have done, but because of his mercy.  He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit,"
It seems that I will forever struggle with the "I am not good enough" mentality.  And in all reality I am not good enough.  God saved me because of his mercy and love for no other reason.

So, back to why I was crying.  I began to realize with each stroke that I was crying for the loss of the two ladies that helped me paint the room in the first place.  I think painting the room was one of the last things that we did together.  For a period of about 3 years we did so much together.  We were close.  I heard my friends voice.  "You know what you are feeling is grief."  The brush went up.  Another voice, "You are always losing friends."  The brush went down.  I will never leave you. The brush went up.  "You can never keep friends."  Faces flashed through my head.  Jenny, Stacia, Lanny, Teresa, Amanda, Jessica, Stephanie, Lori, Amy, Jana, Leslee, Mistie, Christian, Sarah.  I will never leave you.  


A verse I have been memorizing for Beth Moore's scriputre memory popped into my head.  Deuteronomy 31:8 "the LORD himself goes before you and will be with you;  he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

As I painted I mediated on that verse through the tears.  The LORD goes before.  Each of those wonderful ladies have been amazing to me.  I still pray for and think each of them from time to time.  Most, I keep up with their lives on facebook.  Some, I am still blessed to enjoy a face to face meeting with.  Each of these ladies were placed in my life to teach me something.  Each lady has a place in my heart.  And, each of them were in my life for a "time." I will never leave you.  But, it is GOD that will never leave me.  


Lord, thank you so much for using Loretta and Valery to teach me to mediate on scripture.  I have never enjoyed painting like I did last night.  I am so blessed that YOU will never leave me.  You are my constant.  Many times you will send people to me.  Friends that will be in my life for a time.  But it is you who will be with me always  It is you who provides my manna.  Continue to make me aware each day what your  manna is for me.  Use me as manna in the lives of others.  Allow me to be a true friend.  
Amen  

Freckles

I have always hated my freckles.  I use to wear makeup 3 shades too dark and WAY too much just to cover them up.  I just hated them.  Like many things in life, I am learning to like them.  Not love them, but accept and like them.

I love how God uses my precious daughter to make sure that I am listening to him.


Today I was reading in Deuteronomy.


For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.
                                  Deuteronomy 7:6


I am thinking about this.  Charlie be-bops up.  "Hey mom, you know what I am going to ask God when I get to heaven?  I am going to ask him how many freckles you have.  He will know that one for sure, won't he?"

Project Life-July version

 July 14th-Charlie is drawing fairy's for her fairy garden.  This is Rosetta.  Isn't she beautiful!  Oh, and look at her letters.  She got M and W right!!!

 B actually played in his room today after C made his track. He kept breaking it.

11:45 pm.  She has my number.  "Mommy can I just sit here with you and do Bible study with you?" It's  summer.  How can I say no?

 July 15th-  Thank you so much for going with me to get these when you are in town.  Didn't they turn out so super cute?

July 17th-  Charlie moved in today.  What do you think of their bunk beds?  They are pretty excited!

Charlie

I am in awe of this incredible little girl.  She has been asking questions lately that I am not ready to answer. She asks a lot of the "tell me about when you were a little girl" kinds of questions.  A lot of them of late have been about my "DAD" or my "Step dad."  And though I am very lucky to have my real dad in my life now that was not the case for many, many years.  I like that Charlie's life is "perfect."  I like that she has a mom and a dad that both live at home.  I like that in the grand scheme of things her life is truly perfect.  Tonight she asked me a lot of those incredibly hard questions.  I don't know how to explain them to her.  (And mom if you are reading this know that I know you love me with every inch of your being.)
C:"Mommy, sing me your favorite song that your mommy sang to you."
Me:"I don't remember my mom singing to me."
C:  "But, didn't your mommy love you enough to sing you to sleep at night?"
Things were different for me than for Charlie.  How do I explain to her the things that I don't know or I don't remember?
Me:"Baby, my mommy loved me so very much.  You remember that I told you mommy did not have a mommy and a daddy at home like you do.  Mommy had a mommy (that's Nana) that loved her so very much but she had to work a lot so that mommy had a house to live in and food to eat.  Nana loved mommy very much but she had to work sometimes 2 and 3 jobs so that Mommy was taken care of."
We talked for ever it seemed like.
C:"But, Mommy,  Why did Nana have to work so much?  Why didn't your Daddy or your Step Dad help Nana?"
How do I answer these kinds of questions when sometimes I ask them myself?
Me:"C do you remember that mommy tells you not to drink alcohol or to take drugs? Mommy's Dad and Mommy's step Dad did not always make good choices.  They both choose to do these things.  And with those choices come consequences."
C:"Good consequences or Bad consequences?"
Me: "Bad consequences."
C:"Is that why your Step Dad is a bad man?"
Me:"Baby, My step dad is not a bad man but he made some very bad and mean choices."
C:"Does that mean that no one loved you?"
How do I answer these questions to a little girl when it was not so long ago I asked them myself?
Me:"Who loves you more than anything?"
C:"God!"
Me:"And what did God do?"
C:"He sent Jesus to die for us."
(And THANK YOU BETH MOORE and your SCRIPTURE memory challenge.  Because of that I had verses on my heart and in my head.)
Me: "God tells us that "The Lord your God is with you.  He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged.  (Deut 31:8) He tells us that in ALL things God himself will go before us and will be with us.  Good and bad.  God is always with us and will provide for us.  Bad things will happen in our life.  And no matter what, God is with us.  Satan may mean those bad things to harm us but God will always use them for good.  Like Daddy's job.  He lost his job at the Olive Garden but God provided him with a job that is going to be better for Daddy.  (1 Corinthians 10:13, Romans 8:37-39, Genesis 50:19-20)
C:"But how do we know that God is with us?"
Me: "Can you tell me where it tells us that God is always with us?"
C:"In the Bible."
Me:"And, what is the Bible?"
C:"It is God's word."
Me:"And what are we suppose to do with God's word?"
C: "Hide it in our heart so that we never forget what God wants us to know. Mommy, can you sing me your favorite song that reminds you  of God?"
So, I sang.  And she was asleep before I finished the song.

You are my all in all
Written by Dennis Jernigan

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name


Nicole Nordeman

Lord, I am so humbled to be this child's mother.  I pray that You will continue to put Your words in my mouth as she grows.  Continue to draw her near to you.  Allow me to stay out of your way.
Amen
 

10 before the 10th~

1.  My youngest loves to tell people "Good job."  "Good job sissy on your homework!"
2.  I found a babysitter for B.  I feel like it is another one of those people that God has purposely placed in my life.  I can't wait to see what he has for me to learn from her.
3.  My kitchen has been clean 3 days in a row.
4.  I am missing my husband.  And not just b/c he mops my floors and goes grocery shopping.  I miss him!  (I know this does not sound like a "good" thing.  But I think it is fantastic in this day in age when so many people really don't like who they are married to. )
5.  I love reading a book that sends my brain running in a hundred directions and gets me excited for school to start in 4 weeks.  Yes, that is all I have left of summer.
6.  I love reading scripture with Dusty.  This time it was over the phone but I can't get a verse from last night out of my head and heart. Romans 1:21
7.  I saw on pininterst a really cool new toy I MUST make the kids. :)
8.  PIZZA!!!!!
9. I have the absolute BEST in-laws.  I can not tell you how completely blessed I feel when I come away from their home.  God is amazing with his provision.
10.  For the first time in 10 years, it is quiet on 4th of July.  We live in a town that allows you to pop fireworks in the city limits.  EVERYONE from EVERYWHERE comes to our town.  This year we are on a burn ban.  It has been a refreshing year of piece and quiet where my kids are not up late every single night for a week and a half.  Instead the kids and I sat on my in-laws front porch and looked across the horizon at the fireworks the next county over.  It was very peaceful.

International Mud Day

 Today is International Mud day.  My kids LOVE the mud.  They love it so much that we had to make Monday Mud day at my house so that they would quit ruining clothes.  I can not tell you how excited they were that there is a day devoted just to playing in the mud.  So, Here are our mud day pictures.  ENJOY!