Fear & Faith

I am terrified of water. It didn't get any better after the accident at Denny's years ago. I am afraid of drowning. I am afraid that even though I know CPR it won't work. If I get in water over my head for a second I panic until I remember that I know how to swim. So, when we received an invitation for a pool party I didn't want to go. Dusty is always suggesting that I face my fears. "Go, Charlie will be fine." And so we went. Charlie and I reviewed the "rules" of the pool. We reviewed what we do if we go under and had not planned. We talked about how the pool has a shallow end and a deep end. Charlie has had swimming lessons (once and not this year) so I wasn't too worried. Besides she would be wearing her life jacket. We are about 30 minutes into the party and Charlie decides that she wants to swim like her friends. All the other girls can touch so I figured Charlie would be okay. Charlie does great. Until she gets just a little too deep. I see the look in her eyes. I see her trying to bob to the surface. I realize that she isn't going to come up and that I am going to have to go into the pool. I didn't stop to take off my shoes, socks or jeans. I just stepped in the pool. Clothes and all. I think i did toss the contents of my pockets on the side of the pool as I went it. And can I tell you my very Brave girl held her breath. You know how most people who go under the water flail about and take in water yelling for help. Not my little one. She just kept bobbing with her eyes fixed on mine. She had fear that she was underwater. She had faith that I would get her. When I pulled her out, she was so calm. I wasn't but she was. "Mommy, I was underwater."
"Yes, you were."
"I couldn't touch."
" I know."
"I held my breath just like Daddy said." And she did no coughing, no water in her mouth.
"Yes, you did."
"I don't think I want to go swimming anymore."
Everything in me wanted to agree with her. But I knew that if she did not get back in that pool she would be afraid like me. I don't want her to be afraid of the water I just want her to know how to stay safe.
"Charlie you are going to go swimming but I think this time we will leave your jacket on."
"But mommy, I am afraid."
"I know. But I am right here."
She got back in the pool and by the end of the party she wanted to take her jacket off again. I said maybe next time.
This incident has me thinking. Should I have said no to taking off the life jacket? I don't think so. She wanted to try. I can't protect her all the time. I was right there. And, this incident has made me see that I should have that kind of faith with God. I know that he is always with me. I should be as calm and confident as my little one was that God will always be with me.