This weeks Manna

I know that this year 2011 is a year that God is stretching me.  I have done more things outside of my comfort zone in this year than I ever thought possible.  But I also know that he is working in me.  He is working hard.

I always thought of myself as a pretty strong and self-sufficient person.  I don't think I feel that way anymore.  Dusty has been gone for 6 weeks of his 17 weeks of training.  And for the first time in 10 years we have been apart.  I grew up thinking that I would be the wife of a military man.  I thought I could handle being by myself raising a family off and on while my husband took care of other things.

When I married Dusty I knew he was a family guy.  I never knew how much of a family guy.  He is the one that keeps me from being a work-a-holic.  He is the one that wants us home and eating dinner together.  He is the one that established family cuddle time.  And I miss him terribly.  I am just not good without him.

God is using this time to really work on me.  My strength is to be in him and not in Dusty.  I just thought that last week was hard.  Thursday a student in my school lost his battle with Cancer.  It was a very short battle.  He was diagnosed the middle of May. He fought a hard and painful battle.  After I picked up my kids that day from the sitter we went to Mardels.  I was looking for a bible for C's birthday.  In the bibles were two books  of grief.  I know that God placed them there.  They were just shoved on the shelf like someone did not want to walk the three feet to put them back where they belonged but really they were placed there for me.  I stood in the book section reading them  crying.  I must have been a sight because two ladies came over to make sure I was okay.  How do you explain that you are fine when you don't feel or look okay?

I got home feeling just beat up.  In the mailbox was an amazing note from a friend.
Dear Amy,
I hope that these verses will encourage you as they did me.
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;  He drew me out of deep waters.  He rescued me from a powerful enemy, from my foes who were too strong for me.  They confronted me in the day of my disaster but the Lord was my support.  He brought me out into a spacious place;  He rescued me because He delighted in me."
" You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.  With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall as for God His way is perfect.  The word of the Lord is flawless.  He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him.  For who is God besides the Lord?  And who is the Rock expect our God?  It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.  He makes my feel like the feet of a deer;  He enables me to stand on the heights.  He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.  You gave me your shield of victory, and your right hand sustains me;  you stoop down to make me great.  You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn."  (Psalms 18:16-19, 28-36)
May he be your strength!
That was it.  Two short sentences and all the strength and comfort I needed.  My God is amazing!  Is yours?
The next day when I shared this note with four fellow teachers,  the literature teacher told me that the second set of verses was in the story that they middle school kids read for their summer reading.  And I pray that these verses comfort them as well.

Today was his funeral.  His parents seem so strong.  I don't think I would have been able to do what they did.  I felt like a basket case.  And, I did not know this little guy well.  I never had the pleasure of having him in class. I did have his younger sister.  I saw the way he was with her.  And, even in his death, he was encouraging others.  He loved anything to do with the armor of God.  The verse on his memory card was this
"Your strength must come from the LORD's mighty power within you.  Put on all of God's Armor."
Ephesians 6:10-11
I can't do this alone.  I won't be able to make it another 11 weeks.   But with God, I will.  He will be my strength.  He is stretching me.  Each day it seems as if I am being pushed further and further outside of my box.  And yet with each terrifying step I take he shows me how much he goes before me.  He shows me how much he is with me  and that he will truly be my strength if I will let him.